I had a date with my past a few nights ago. Mum brought over some boxes that came from my bedroom in our old house. Most of the things I haven’t seen for ten years.
Here’s what I learnt about my previous self:
In my late teens, I was hot.
When I was in Year 6, I was not.
Michael Crawford is a kind man…kind enough to send a girl a personally signed photo of himself, all the way from England.
My grandma Joyce was matriarch and Queen Of All Things, especially the Christmas pudding.
My beautiful friend Margot, who passed away when we were 20, wrote me a card from Paris.
And so it seems that someone else wrote me a card from Paris.
And so did someone else.
And so did someone else. Maybe people think about me in Paris.
I learnt I kept a lot of journals. In one box, there were four half-filled journals, and two empty ones. I know for a fact that there are at least another ten still in storage. The first began Wednes 11th July 1990. Today was my birthday. I was seven years old. I went to the bird sanctuary. We saw lots of animals…
A much later entry, when I was sixteen read I’m kneeling on my bed right now, and I feel…awful. I don’t know what it is. Nothing happened. I just feel so empty inside…
I wrote plays that my cousins and I performed at Christmas concerts for the adults.
I kept books full of poems, and framed the ones I liked best.
I wrote stories. Many stories. This one was my first, written on an old type writer in 1990 when I was six.
The Funny Trip to Alawena.
Mum told me to run away to Alawena. So I placed my bag and ran out the door. First I passed a gentleman. He said his name was Guy. I said “That’s a very smart name for you.” I said. And off he went. And off I went too. Then I met the Queen. She was very keen on me. So on my way I went. Then I was hafe way up the hill. So I dissided to rest. Enyway it was dark. So I put up my tent and went to sleep. The next day I set off on my jirny up the hill. I was soon up on top of the hill. And there was Alawena. The end.
~
I was hot when I was twenty, but I know I was broken inside.
Nowadays, I am a little rounder, less brown, less blonde, less muscular…but happier in my heart. Although I still write stories, I haven’t kept a journal for years, unless it is for creative ideas and inspiration. I have no reason to go back over and over and over my life…my life is in this moment. Happy. Content. Still.
It’s a cliché – as clichéd as they get – but my husband, child and promising bump complete me.
And on that note, I packed up my box and happily put that me away.
Please come and join my community at Heart Mama on Facebook.
{This post has been Freshly Pressed: “The best of 398,529 bloggers, 1,339,016 new posts, 1,329,210 comments, & 315,703,551 words posted today on WordPress.com 29 August 2012”}
{Linking with Jess from Diary of a SAHM for IBOT and Bree from Twinkle in the Eye for Flash Friday}
August 28, 2012 at 4:22 am
Great post!
August 28, 2012 at 4:32 am
There are just so many things I love about this. I am reading it in the middle of a semi-hectic work day, and it was just what I needed.
I love how you were able to breathe life into the cliche and make me remember how vivid and true it is. How amazing. Yay bump! 🙂
August 28, 2012 at 8:50 am
I’m glad it was what you needed after a hectic day! Lots of love, xx
August 28, 2012 at 8:16 am
I’m sure u are still hot. Its good to reflect on where we’ve been and then look at where we are at, and, if we are contented and filled with promise and surrounded by love ones, as u are now, how good it must feel. I love Paris, i was there at chrissie. if I go again I’ll get yr address and send u a postie.
August 28, 2012 at 8:51 am
Why thank you! Post cards from Paris make me happy. Xx
August 28, 2012 at 8:37 am
It’s an amazing thing; to reflect on the past and how it made us who we are now! Lovely.
August 28, 2012 at 9:22 pm
Thanks MsMandie. xx
August 28, 2012 at 9:05 am
The past is for taking that which we need for the future and leaving that which we don’t where it be belongs. Great post 🙂
August 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm
That’s for sure. It certainly serves its purpose, but some things we don’t need to cling on to. x
August 28, 2012 at 9:19 am
Great post Zanni x I love looking through my old things. I think your still hot!!
August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Thanks Julia! You are too kind. xx
August 28, 2012 at 9:38 am
What a beautiful post. And what a great way to view things. So wonderful hearing when people are happy. ps I love Paris and after seeing your postcards am getting the travel bug back again…oh dear 🙂
August 28, 2012 at 9:20 pm
Sorry to ignite the travel bug. I hate when that happens! I would be over in Paris in a flash given half an opportunity.
August 28, 2012 at 9:44 am
Great post! I wish my mum had a box of things from my past, but sadly I think she’s thrown it all out! Once upon a time I kept a diary, I’d kill for a look into it now. It would probably make me laugh.
“my life is in this moment. Happy. Content. Still.” – beautiful words.
August 28, 2012 at 9:19 pm
Thanks Kelly. Yes, in retrospect I am glad my parents hoard. They have kept a storage shed full of “stuff” for years…I knew there must be a reason. xx
August 28, 2012 at 10:14 am
This is brilliant. You are such a beautiful soul. I love how you so eloquently write the sentiments on your heart–sentiments to which we all can so beautifully relate.
August 28, 2012 at 9:18 pm
Thank you Rachel. Your words mean so much to me. I feel the same about Hands Free Mama. xx
August 28, 2012 at 10:28 am
What a beautiful post. I could relate to so much of it too. I have been looking back through some of my teen diary’s and the stores I wrote when I was a kid. I might have to make a post out of them too.
I love your blog, so happy to have discovered you xx
August 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm
That’s lovely Catherine. And I am happy to have found your blog too! It’s such a wonderful way to connect with people. I am grateful we live in the blogging age. xx
August 28, 2012 at 10:56 am
Wow, what a lovely snippet of your past. Thanks for sharing some of you.
August 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Thanks Bronxx
August 28, 2012 at 12:48 pm
I love this post. I think it’s healthy to look back at our life and see how far we have come.
And if I ever go to Paris, I’ll be sure to send you a postcard 😉
August 28, 2012 at 9:16 pm
Thanks Jess…I will add it to my collection! x
August 28, 2012 at 1:21 pm
Gorgeous post. That is the beauty of keeping records such as your blog…. one day you’ll be able to look back 🙂
August 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm
Thank you Helen. I will head over to your blog. xx
August 28, 2012 at 3:03 pm
Your best post ever Zanni. Love it.
August 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm
Thanks Caz. I appreciate it xx
August 28, 2012 at 3:26 pm
I love looking back over boxes of things from my childhood. It’s great to ignite memories and feelings from those times. It also gives a chance to see how much things have changed and how much they have stayed the same. Love this post!
August 28, 2012 at 8:44 pm
Thank you 🙂 It was amazing how dormant some of my memories had been…it took opening a book and reading a page for it all to come flooding back. xx
August 28, 2012 at 3:27 pm
I found your post through IBOT with Jess, from Diary Of A Stay At Home Mum.
Reading your post made me think- Wow, I am similiar- I kept journals as a child and teenager, I wrote stories- with borrowed facts from my life. But I am still lost- I am yet to be happy and content with my life.
I know one day I will be.
Thank you for such a lovely post and for reminding me that although we are all different, we also have similiarities with those around us and those whom we don’t know.
August 28, 2012 at 8:43 pm
Thank you Lisa. I hope, and am sure you will find that contentment you seek. It’s a journey we all need to make, and sometimes going deeper into despair can bring us greater happiness later in life. We come to appreciate what we have. You obviously have many sources of creativity and self-exploration which will bring you closer to what you seek. xx
August 28, 2012 at 4:00 pm
beautiful post, and a beautiful trip down memory lane by the sounds of things. If only we could go back and give our 20 year old selves a pep talk hey? Thank you for sharing.
August 28, 2012 at 8:41 pm
Tell them it will be alright. Because hopefully, at some point, it will. Why did we think so much then? Now, I don’t have time obviously! x
August 28, 2012 at 4:08 pm
You have just motivated me to pull out my box. Love the post. Thank you.
August 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm
Thank you Eva. I hope you dig up some treasures xx
August 28, 2012 at 4:32 pm
This is a beautiful post. I love discovering things from the past that remind you of who you were then. For me, anyway, I am not particularly backward thinking, but I think the past is important.
August 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Thank you. Yes the past is important…it got us to the now, so we have to give it some credit! 🙂
August 28, 2012 at 7:17 pm
How lucky you are that your Mum kept that stuff. I have been keeping a box each filled with memorabilia for my girls, thinking that maybe one day they would like to look back on it all. This has just confirmed to me how important it is for me to do this for them 🙂
Awesome post!
August 28, 2012 at 8:39 pm
Oh yes, do keep it for them. They probably won’t want to look at it for years to come (some things are just so embarrassing!) but it’s a pleasure to go back over it all at some point and marvel at the person you once were. xx
August 28, 2012 at 9:34 pm
your promising bump looks like it is going to land in good company
August 28, 2012 at 10:01 pm
I hope so Kevin!
August 29, 2012 at 5:21 pm
That’s such a beautiful post. So real and open and vulnerable. Thanks for sharing.
Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
August 29, 2012 at 5:44 pm
Thanks Leanne. And loving your website! Very entertaining and well thought out. x
August 29, 2012 at 10:22 pm
Sometimes we have to look back to realize we really are okay. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
August 29, 2012 at 10:32 pm
Brilliant post, couldn’t help but relive some of my own whilst you were reminiscing. 🙂 x
August 29, 2012 at 10:33 pm
I found some of my old journals, stories, poems, and drawings. It was fun going through them and I was like, “Oh God, I never knew I was that childish.” And I still am. 😀
August 29, 2012 at 10:38 pm
Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. I really love it. It is like looking through a time capsule with new eyes, after having experienced so much!
Thanks once again 🙂
August 29, 2012 at 10:52 pm
Amazing post! ❤
August 29, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Lovely post! I enjoyed it very much. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed! 🙂
August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm
very suggestive..
August 29, 2012 at 11:05 pm
Reblogged this on Food Vixen in NYC's Blog and commented:
I just came across this blog post and it tugged on my heartstrings in big way. I wanted to share it with you.
August 29, 2012 at 11:16 pm
wonderful post.. i love your storytelling..
August 30, 2012 at 12:14 am
was a great post. Thanks for sharing your memories.
August 30, 2012 at 12:19 am
Enjoyed reading the post 🙂
August 30, 2012 at 12:29 am
I’m curious how you could have felt do empty inside at that age – even before the death of you friend.
Of course, I’m also curious how anyone can just let go of the past like that. If I could do that, why, I’d be
invinciblea better person 🙂August 30, 2012 at 12:58 am
This is adorable! You know you’re a good writer when you can easily make an internet full of strangers interested in your childhood! I love how everyone sent you postcards from Paris….so cute.
Cheers,
Courtney Hosny
August 30, 2012 at 1:03 am
Ah that’s fab! Also makes me wanna go to Paris… I wish I could put my boxes away. Perhaps that time’s still to come 🙂
August 30, 2012 at 2:16 am
Great post! Much happiness to you, your husband, child, and promising bump from me, my husband, child, and promising bump.
August 30, 2012 at 3:01 am
great stuff, zannix! very, very sad to read the postcard from your friend margot who passed away in her prime….
one thing i will say….take up writing a journal again…just think…in another 30 yrs or so, you’ll be able to take it out and read about what the internet was….how we all sent sms messages to each other instead of talking…how we preferred to sit at our computers than engage in conversations….;)
August 30, 2012 at 3:44 am
You’ll likely find that the following decades make the memories even more precious. Lovely post, and congrats on being freshly pressed.
August 30, 2012 at 3:54 am
Sometimes, we just couldn’t help with flashbacks and nostalgia. Great article though. And glad that you’re happier with your current self rather than your past (most people live in the past).
August 30, 2012 at 3:55 am
So many people can relate to this post! My husband was just given a box by his mom from their garage, and it was so fun getting to know more about my beau from what I guess you could call a ‘garage time capsule’. Trophies, Boy Scout badges, high school football photos, and a few love letters from past girlfriends!!! Combined together it painted a great picture of who he was before ‘us’:) Congrats on being freshly pressed, I really enjoyed this one! –cort
August 30, 2012 at 3:56 am
This is why I have problems throwing boxes away..because I love the memories that are associated with random “stuff.” And you never know when those memories will brighten your day
August 30, 2012 at 4:39 am
wow… i felt like i was watching it …. visiting your past is always wonderful.
August 30, 2012 at 4:45 am
There are too many things I love about this. The sadness in the memories of your friend, the fondness with which you look back and forward in your life. I love that you have been able to look back at yourself as almost an outsider. Your insights are lovely. Congratulations on being freshly pressed.
August 30, 2012 at 5:26 am
Too funny, I just had a pretty similar experience and blogged about it the other day! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed.
August 30, 2012 at 5:52 am
Sweet post! Love the pictures, and especially love that you’re so happy with your life now, yet you don’t forget where you were either.
August 30, 2012 at 5:54 am
Thank you for making me smile. 🙂
August 30, 2012 at 6:06 am
“Happier in heart” I think that’s the most important part. Lovely post!
August 30, 2012 at 6:56 am
Love this post! The picture of your grandmother is priceless. I wish I had one of my grandmother at work in her kitchen! Good job and congratulations.
Kate
August 30, 2012 at 7:12 am
So encouraging and beautiful! I’m in my late 20’s and look back on my high school days with this point of view. Beautiful and confident on the outside, painfully seeking validation on the inside.
August 30, 2012 at 8:21 am
Love the post, great that whilst you reminisce you don’t yearn to be back there because you are happy with life now and comfortable with who you are.
August 30, 2012 at 9:41 am
What a sweet post – I really enjoyed the catalogue of events in your life especially in the way you referred back to your hot 20s days and the brokenness inside. I’ve just broken out of that brokenness and am gunning for the light at the end of the tunnel… so glad you find happiness in the moment in your family; that really is the key to it all. Congrats on FP and Happy Travels!
August 30, 2012 at 10:13 am
I love that – “my life is this moment.” So simple, but so inspired!
August 30, 2012 at 10:47 am
That was indeed a beautiful and nostalgic snippet that brought an instant smile on my face. Enjoyed the post and glad to find your blog
🙂
August 30, 2012 at 10:49 am
Eee, this is about five different varieties of lovely!
August 30, 2012 at 10:52 am
This was so very touching. I was moved to tears. This is a most precious post. Thank you!
August 30, 2012 at 11:00 am
What a gift to reflect on your past and realize you are in a better place now than then!
August 30, 2012 at 11:15 am
Nice post! Its nice you have a journal, stories, and poems you wrote when you were young.
August 30, 2012 at 11:50 am
What a lovely post!
August 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm
It moved me ..
August 30, 2012 at 2:55 pm
I’ve been off-line for a while on holiday with my husband and kids. Yours was one of the first freshly pressed posts I’ve read in some time…just lovely.
August 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm
you NEED to read ‘women who run with the wolves’ by clarissa pinkola estes.
x
August 30, 2012 at 8:09 pm
Thanks for the recommendation! x
August 30, 2012 at 9:12 pm
What beautiful photos!
What fun nostalgia is!
Just recently found my twins journal and an entry from ’93 saying my boyfriend and I were deeply infatuated and wouldn’t make it.
We are still together (and married) almost 20 years later.
Hilarious!
August 30, 2012 at 9:27 pm
Gorgeous! How great you found that 🙂
August 31, 2012 at 7:17 am
What a lovely post. I think there is a hidden message within – you need to plan a trip to Paris! Thanks for linking up for Flash Blog Friday 🙂
August 31, 2012 at 7:43 pm
And thanks for the opportunity Bree! X
August 31, 2012 at 8:45 am
Love this Zanni – boxes of memories are so special x
August 31, 2012 at 10:26 am
Great post Zann. I love my treasure chest. I go back to look over it ever few months. I can relate to yourself in year 6!
September 1, 2012 at 4:58 am
So many layers to this story. The moments. The relationships. The voyages. Such a joy going back down memory lane.
September 1, 2012 at 12:17 pm
I love this!! I recently went through a shoe box with similar artifacts from my childhood. it really brings back those memories! have you ever gotten the chance to go to paris?
September 1, 2012 at 2:49 pm
Yes,thankfully I have. I have spent a grand total of three weekends there, one in winter, one in summer and one in spring. They were all heaven and fulfilled every romantic notion I have ever had about Paris!
September 3, 2012 at 5:35 am
Congrats for FP….. it is indeed a great post….
Last weekend I went home (i work and live in a different city than my family is) and bumped upon old photographs, taken some 15-20 years back when digital cameras were unheard of and we could only see photographs once they are back from developing. I and my mom slumped into my childhood memories for more than an hour…… Childhood is always great, no matter what era!!!
I am sure you look HOT even today…. God bless you and your family!!
September 3, 2012 at 7:33 am
Thank you Jay! And thank you for sharing your beautiful experience 🙂
September 4, 2012 at 12:40 pm
what a lovely entry!
September 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm
Thanks x
September 8, 2012 at 12:57 am
i have the way you packed that life away and got on with ur happy present one. I will use that one thanks.
September 8, 2012 at 12:59 am
sorry liked the way , dyslexic or wot?
September 10, 2012 at 8:10 pm
Really enjoyed this post!
May 8, 2013 at 10:01 pm
Zanni, this is too gorgeous! xx