I choose…
Eye contact over iPhone
Understanding over exasperation
Calm over hysterical
Patience over frustration
Hugs over smacks
Laughter over tears
Conversation over television
Mess over tidiness
Dancing over boredom.

My choice

 

This is my wish list. My aspiration. Some days I make the right choice, some days I don’t. Some days, I catch myself sacrificing eye contact with my baby or an engaging conversation with Elka to sneak a look at my phone; to check my emails or something else of vital importance (Facebook).

Some days (like today), I yell over the crying baby at Elka for not listening to me, instead of understanding what she needs and wants. All she wanted was her blue shovel.

I don’t smack, but I find myself tensing in anger over something small and insignificant, like a toddler who wants to wear ballet shoes to the park even though it’s obviously impractical, especially as her mummy can’t bend over to tie up the laces with a baby in the sling.

We all three were crying as we left the park…me, because I had to go to the toilet and Elka was not ready to leave, Eve, because she couldn’t sleep and needed to, and Elka because she didn’t want to climb out of the tree and come home. I would have chosen laughter over all that.

I tap away at my computer, trying to finish a chapter of my book while baby sleeps, and Elka tells me she needs a friend to play with. I am riddled with guilt as I turn on Playschool for her so I can finish what I need to do.

“I need a friend!” Elka calls me to come and play with her in the garden. “I need to sweep, and tidy up,” I say, when I could just leave it for another ten minutes and play with Elki…it’s already been there all day.

We lie around the house…me breastfeeding, Elka on the floor, lying bored and unhappy. We turn on the music and dance to The Temptations. Elka is laughing her sweet belly laugh.

***

How could I miss this?

Eve has started to smile, and gurgle. It’s enough to make your heart melt. I was engaged in one of our heart-melting sessions, when I randomly decided to hand her over to Gregor so I could finish the work I need to do. I gave up a smile for a keypad. I felt awful.

Technology, work, money, rules, housework…these are the things that take us away from those beautiful, human moments. So I will print my wish list, my choices, and put it on my fridge to remind me about what’s important in life.

What’s on your wish list?

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{Linking with Grace at With Some Grace for FYBF. Head over for your Friday blog fest.}

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