Eve, meaning life. Living.

You wouldn’t think it, initially, but with every birth comes grief.

Day three, following the labour, is notorious. It is the day when the milk comes in, which can inspire all kinds of infant behaviour. It is also when the high from labour wears off, and the mother slowly begins to sink into the reality of her new predicament.

Grief.

When Elka was born, day three took me to a dark place. I couldn’t stop crying. I missed my life before child. I longed for my relationship with my husband to be as it was before her  birth. I grieved for a life I no longer had.

Grief and change walk hand in hand.

Day three after Eve’s birth, I also grieved my previous life. I grieved my close relationship with Elka. Lying in bed beside her, cuddled up. Our simple, unrestrained, pure love for each other. Things aren’t so simple any more.

Tuesday night, Eve fell asleep with her daddy so I was able to take Elka to bed. I lay beside her, tears in my eyes.

It had only been one night, but I missed this so much my heart hurt.

There was three, now there are four.

Elka has been the most amazing and accommodating big sister. I wasn’t overly worried about her transition into sisterhood, knowing her sweet and generous personality.

Evidence of this was the moment she met Eve…running through the front door. The baby came out! she cried. My mother bought a present just for Elka, so she too would feel special and included. On opening it, Elka said, Look Mama, a present for me to share with Eve. 

So sweet. So accommodating.

On Wednesday night, I thought I would be able to put Elka to bed, because Eve had fallen asleep. Part way through our going-to-sleep routine, Eve began to cry. Greg bought her into us. Sorry sweetheart, I said, Mummy has to feed Eve. To which Elka replied. It’s OK, Mama. Go. I will lie here with Daddy. 

So sweet. So accommodating.

With birth comes change. With change comes grief. With change comes life.

Elka, meaning noble, has embraced Eve, meaning life in a way that makes my heart sing. I grieve for my time with Elka, but I am filled with warmth as I think about how these two beautiful girls will grow together, and so enrich our lives.

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