I gently remove your hand from my face, and slip from the bed to write this post in the soft light of the morning. If I don’t write this now, I may miss my chance.
Our world is about to change.
Your Daddy, you and I have been together for nearly three years, sleeping side by side, playing together, eating together, growing together. Your little smile, your laughter, your hugs, the jokes you make and the stories you tell have filled us with great love and happiness. It is a wonder to watch you grow into the little person you are. Kind and generous to your friends. Spirited. Happy.
I imagine…I hope… all these things won’t change.
What will change is we will go from three to four, though you have known that for a long time. Eight months ago, you put your little hand on my belly and asked if there was a baby inside. There was.
Every morning, you lift up my shirt and talk to the baby.
You tell everyone you meet that you think it’s a girl.
You lay me on the couch to “check the baby”, your little hand held in a fist, you dab it in your pretend gel, and roll it around my tummy. I can hear the heart beat, you tell me. It sounds like bubbles.
We have watched birth movies together and read children’s books about babies being born. As the baby is born, I begin to cry, and you snuggle next to me, excited and in awe. The baby is coming out, you say.
I hope you will be there for the birth of our baby. But maybe you will be asleep, and we won’t want to wake you. If you do awake, and there is a new little person in your life, I hope you won’t be too surprised. Although something tells me that whatever the circumstances, you will adjust easily, as you have to every other change that has happened.
Something tells me that you will be a beautiful big sister – caring, loving, generous – like you are with every other person in your life. Maybe it will be a change so big it is difficult to accept at first, but I hope we can help you through the transition, holding your little hand.
In our last few days (few weeks) together, just us, I want to thank you for being the beautiful spirit you are. For filling my life with sunshine. For making me feel complete. You have made motherhood easy for me. You have made me a better person. And as our lives become richer with the arrival of the fourth family member, I know you will continue to.
I will embrace these days with you, my first and beautiful child, and hold them close to my heart.
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