Some days, blogging makes me feel like the awkward shy girl in the playground, observing the cool girls hanging out by the side of the school gym, flicking their blonde hair. Throwing back their heads, laughing.

I write this blog because of the satisfaction I get when I press the publish button…
Because as the words form in the text box, my thoughts become clearer…
Because I don’t use a paper journal – this is the single written record of our family life…
Because friends comment how much they love reading Heart Mama
Because I have made new friends and have reconnected with old…
Because when I catch up with someone, I don’t need to go into detail about my life and recent events – they already know…
Because family on the other side of the world appreciate knowing who my daughter is and what our life is like…
Because occasionally I receive emails from readers thanking me for writing about how I parent, and for sharing the woes and the highlights…
Because when I lie down to put my daughter to sleep each night, composing blog posts keeps my mind busy…
Because this is my one remaining creative outlet…

For all these reason, Heart Mama blog satisfies me. But I can’t help feeling forlorn when I see another, similar blog with a million followers and a million comments. Blog Facebook pages that started around the time that I did have several thousand followers – I have 121, and have had for a long time. My readership has increased slightly over the past year, which is exciting…but I wonder what one does to get so many readers and so many comments. Am I just not cool enough?

Blogging has turned the average mama who can write into a celebrity. Imagine being someone who thousands of people listen to every day? Gone are the days when Hollywood was the only platform for stardom. Now Joanna Blo can be a star from her living room, wearing her pyjamas, sipping her hot chocolate while baby sleeps in the cot. No-one cares what she looks like, what she studied, or how much she works. It’s like reality TV stardom.

When I was at school, having friends meant everything to me. My biggest fear was being disliked. Although I was never in the “cool” group, I always had friends at school. These friendships were genuine connections; people I felt akin to despite which group they were from. Comparing my blog to other blogs reminds me of those early high school days, when I admired the cool girls, but felt disconnected from them; when I had close friendships that weren’t defined by a group, but by a genuine connection.

I’ll be impressed if my blog ever “makes it” and I become a living room celebrity, wearing my pyjamas. I will continue to write because of the satisfaction it gives me. After all, I never set out to be a famous blogger. I will continue to hone the blog’s design, its content and its voice. I hope I will continue to improve as a writer, and will hope that my readership expands over time. If you ever have feedback or thoughts about my writing or the content, please share it with me. It is always a privilege to know that people read and enjoy what I write.

To those who do read my blog, thank you. You help me keep writing.

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