I have just discovered Edenland…which, if you have been blogging yourself, will think is remarkable, as Eden Riley is one of the better known Australian bloggers. Yep, she’s funny and a great writer. This week she posted “Who the hell are you?”, and has invited other bloggers to face the challenge. Who the hell are you, anyway?
Given that blogging is already one of my more egocentric outlets – a public diary about me and my life – I may as well indulge.
Like anyone else, I can’t really answer the question, “So, who am I, really?”. It’s far too complex. I was recently told that I was an archetypal Queen. I will take that as a compliment. When I was 13, a so-called friend told me I was austere and a bit stiff – like cardboard. At the time, I took that one, but now I reject it, thank you very much – I belly dance to a belly dance DVD in my living room. At university, another so-called friend described me as librarian during the day, Cat Woman at night. I wasn’t sure, and am still not sure, if that was complimentary. But these are the things I have been told.
What I know, or at least think of myself, is that I am a people person. I freak out if I am to be alone for one day. I need entertainment. I need to be part of things. I need to know what’s going on. I hate being left out. I am genuinely interested in other people, and other stories. I believe this will make me a good counsellor. I am also relatively non-judgemental. You can tell me your crazy story and it’s unlikely I’ll be shocked. Anyone can be my friend, as long as they are nice to me.
It’s important for me that you like me. Very important. I hate to disappoint and the worst thing in the world is if you are angry with me. This is why I have avoided politics, discussions about vaccination and refrain from criticising people in my blog. I don’t want to upset anyone, although I know this is an impossible expectation. I wanted to die when I was a boarder at a girl’s school in Year 9, and a fellow student overheard me bitching about her on the phone. That fact that I had hurt her and she was mad at me was unbearable. I really want to be your friend, and I want a genuine connection.
I want to do well at things. I was a high achiever academically and now fuss over making the perfect cup of coffee.
I get stressed easily. I hate criticism. I want to feel appreciated by my parents.
Until I met my husband, I sucked at relationships. My longest was 10 months, and 6 months of it were hell. I never understood why I couldn’t find a nice boyfriend, then when I found a boyfriend, it became an impossible situation, and I stayed in an abusive relationship way too long. Six months later, I met the man who very soon after would be my husband. It was the first time I trusted my intuition, and to be honest, the first time I met a guy who could appreciate me as I am. He seems to understand me better than anyone and accept everything about me, except my cranky pants. Maybe he should be writing this.
I love family life. These last two years after my daughter was born have been the happiest two years of my life. Motherhood suits me. I find it easy, relaxing. Motherhood makes me more loving and I believe the best thing you can do in your life is be a kind and loving person. I think I am a kind mother, and I see it in my daughter. She is happy. She is social. She is very well-adjusted. I think being her mother is the best thing I have ever done.
I believe in inoculation, climate change and natural birth. I am vaguely political. I definitely vote Green, and want conservative change. I want the world to be a better place. I don’t read the news – it’s too infuriating. I am mad that there are a handful of wealthy people with too much power and influence and billions of people suffering.
I live a privileged life and don’t want for anything, except lace-up ankle boots. I believe that everyone suffers to some extent, even the wealthiest and the most privileged. Even the seemingly happiest. I believe we should learn to dance in the rain.
I wish more people read my blog – I don’t know what to do to become a better blogger and have a wider readership. But in other ways my blog – my personal diary – gives me great satisfaction and is the perfect place to stop and collect my thoughts. I am grateful to all the beautiful people who read Heart Mama and have the generosity to let me know how they feel about it.
I love cheese. I am 23 weeks pregnant. I am 179cm tall.
So tell me a little about yourself. Who are you? I promise I am interested.