The time has come for this little mama to take off her crown of “most loved in the world” and hand it to the other main contestant…Daddy.
I know it’s irrational. Jealous. Selfish. But I am struggling a little tonight as my daughter wants “my daddy” to put her to bed and enthusiastically waves her mummy out of the room.
I know I should be happy. Happy for my husband, as the warm glow spreads across his face, his chest and all through his being.
Happy that my daughter trusts others and wants to venture out into the world without me.
That my husband is a beautiful, loving father towards whom my daughter feels affectionate.
This is my first taste of knowing how it feels for my daughter not to need me.
Once attached to womb, then the boob, then to my arm and then to my presence in the room. Now, a brave warrior, she waves goodbye and tells me she’ll be fine.
My motherly instinct cries in pain at the thought of rejection. I feel lonely. Isolated. Unwanted. This is my irrational self longing for that child that needed me so.
My motherly wisdom tells me solemnly that it is healthy for children to need others in their life. She loves me just as dearly. She now has the words and the expression to share that love with others close to her.
I sway between my instinct and my wisdom, leaning into the comfort of the warm imprint she has left in my heart. Her little voice lingers in my ears and the warmth from her hand is still felt on my cheek.