Christmas descended, and left in its wake a pile of wrapping paper and a once-in-a-year hangover. How did you recover? We were all…exhausted. But, oh, the joy. Elka is fortunately at an age when presents really don’t matter much, unless you are giving them. We drank champagne for breakfast, ate croissants, and then ate ourselves sillier by the river in Evans Head. I have to say, it was all very blissful. We did not even encounter a “humdinger”, which in my family’s vocabulary is a very typical occurrence, usually stimulated by alcohol, and always resulting with tears. The bliss may have been due to the most recent member of the family, young Elka, who stood next to the pudding, serenading us all with “Twinkle Twinkle” “Baa Baa Black Sheep” and “Incy Wincy”. Everyone joined in, and I don’t believe I have ever felt happier.

Granny Annie arrived on Tuesday, and now we are off to Woodford Folk Festival for our first little holiday in a millennium. We will be camping then for a few days on the Sunshine Coast, testing out our bad backs on self-inflatable mattresses that do not inflate. Please wish us well in all our disoraganisation.

I have been battling a shitty internet connection, a hangover and a relentless essay that has me gripped by the ankles and won’t let go like the cheeky devil it is. At last, before we head off with our leaky mattresses to get soaked by the tropical rain, I would just like to say…