I blush when I talk about sex. S.E.X …see, I am blushing right now!

My grandma never had sex (except 4 times = 4 children), no-one in my family talks about sex, and to cement it all in place, I went to a very prim and proper all girls school where the mere thought of boys was a strict no-no. I remember the “birds and the bees” conversation was an awkward dialogue between my Dad and I whilst digging holes on the farm one sunny afternoon. Stop. Please! Dad. That is SO gross! When I changed schools in year 11, and realised that girls my age had sex (shock horror), it took me many months to come to terms with this fact. People sun bathed naked and skinny-dipped at parties. I couldn’t believe it. On one drunken occasion, I joined in, and thus earnt myself the “Most Likely To Become a Stripper” award at the year 12 formal. At the time, I couldn’t imagine a less likely candidate for such an award. Me, awkward and shy about everything that related to sex. Impossible.

I am not yet a stripper, but things have come along way since year 12. For last night, the first night I spent away from my baby girl since she was born 19 months ago, I went to Orgasm School.

Orgasm School is not what you’re  thinking it is. We didn’t lie around, screeching with pleasure. There were no dildos, or props of any kind. No, it was more a getting in touch with one’s inner orgasm. Also known as chi. Also known as energy. It was relaxation class, really, with a bit of pelvic jiggling, and bottom wiggling. Then we ended with a nice, gentle massage (of the back). I didn’t have an orgasm. I’m not sure if you were meant to or not – by the sounds coming from the other participants, anyone would think there were a series of full-flung orgasms in action. Importantly, by the end I felt relaxed and more in touch with my inner orgasm than before.

Apparently, the world would be a better place if more women orgasmed.

Apparently, women need to be stronger, softer, kinder, more accountable for themselves, and above all, more orgasmic.

And finally, women, remember, your orgasm is a landscape…of clouds floating by, sunny some days and rainy the next, wind blowing and trees swaying. Embrace your inner orgasm.

Embrace your inner orgasm